3 sleeps to go now. I’m not sure quite what I think or feel. Relieved? Sort of, because now we are starting to get the treatment going, but not really, because I know what’s coming… I think that being medical in this situation is worse in some ways, you know too much, people don’t explain everything because they assume you know what they will be talking about, and when they do say things I don’t really want to hear it. So maybe I feel anxious. Yup, that I do. We didn’t have the easiest week this week. After surgery I struggled with 4 days of nearly continuous nausea. I was sore, but the pain killers made me nauseated, and even without them I felt sick (and sore) after the anaesthetic. I really wondered if having the operation was the right thing to do. The thought of having the embryo is still so distant. It still has a long way to go. Having the nausea just from the anaesthetic I do feel quite anxious about the chemo.
Today I feel quite a bit better. We had to go to a medical oncology appointment this morning. It is quite surreal sitting in an outpatients clinic and wondering which of the registrars (that you have seen out drinking, or at a med school happy hour) will be charting your chemo. Luckily it was someone who didn’t train in Auckland, so I felt a little relieved.
It was more of the same stuff. You are likely to feel sick, your kidneys may take a hit, you may have decreased sensation in your fingers and toes, you may loose some of your hearing, you wont loose your hair… blah blah blah
In the space of 15 minutes waiting to pick up a prescription we saw about 10 people we knew through work. It was quite nice to see them though.
Again this week we have been blessed by the love and support of our friends and family. Getting to catch up with old friends, receiving gifts from here and from afar, we do feel blessed.
Despite all of the support, especially Rob’s support, I do feel quite alone in all of this. Every appointment we go to I am the youngest person sitting in clinic as a patient. I know that I am the one that is going to have to go through the treatment and it’s pretty scary. I don’t know how I am supposed to feel, or react, but right now I figure most things are pretty normal. There are a lot of support groups, even one called too young to have cancer, but I don’t really think I’m ready for a support group.
I got an awesome photo in the mail today. It’s our embryo, just before it was frozen. Seems crazy to get a photo of it, and for it to mean so much to me. But it does.
Alright, 3 sleeps to go. 2 more days of feeling pretty normal, 2 more days before we get to start treatment, 3 more sleeps.